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undead-illusions @bs.com


♥ Monday, May 12, 2008

**warning! currently this girl is depressed. therefore, there may contain some vulgarities in this post.**

i didn't catch a single wink last night but i'm clearly okay when i got off of my bed around 6.30am in the morning preparing myself for school. the first thing i realized when i reached the void deck, was the ground was wet. i thought to myself, fuck. i'm gonna climb 4 freaking floors later. well, at least my legs won't get numb this way. i was looking forward to getting my exams papers back, but not math. cause i knew i'm going to fail and that has never changed since pri 3, at least i did passed when i was in sec 2.

the first 3 periods of the day of our separated f&n, d&t periods. during f&n we got back our paper. the first 1hr was used by ms david to scold & nag at us. for the first time, there were failures for f&n. fuck larhs. i sure fail f&n one. but surprisingly, i passed. 21.5/40 it was a just pass. need to drill real hard for f&n in order not to fail. and the last period of f&n was used to make fruit agar-agar.

while walking back to class after f&n for math, ms lim came and walked to class as well. ms lim told us that our photo taking is at 10.10am in the gym. all of us were shocked to hear about this. a short moment later, ms wang came in with our math paper 1. upon receiving my paper, i dare not look at it. slowly, bit by bit i revealed my marks to my eyes which was then afraid to look. alast, the result was disappointing to my eyes. 36/80 was my score and i was starting to feel depressed. fuck fuck fuck. i need another fucking 4 marks to pass my paper 1. sigh. nevermind, just hope that my paper 2 will pull my grades up.

at 10.10am, the whole class went down for photo taking. it was fun during the process and it helped cheer my feelings up abit. after the flash went off, all of us were shouting "argh! my eyes ~ my eyes ~" after the photo taking, it was 10.45am and we went for recess.

it was no surprise when i got back my section B for geo and after i calculated the marks. indeed, i knew. i knew all along i would never be able to pass any geography exams. i scored 7/25 for section A and alittle better in section B which is 8/25. total was 15/50, a straight F9 according to the express grading system or a straight F grade in the normal grading system. this had no effect on me.

my score for physics had an impact on me, and it was a big one. i got depressed after looking at my physics score when we reached IT resource room 2 for physics lesson. 23/50, my heart was starting to bleed but i was able to stop the loss of blood in time. especially when i looked at kaixin's score. almost a perfect score. 49/50 almost. just because of the 1 little mistake she made in the MCQs.

this is when i got totally depressed. i feel like bursting into tears when i got back my eng paper 2. feel like punching people, badly. 37/80 was my score. i wasn't really listening to whatever ms lim was talking about. i was already staring into blank space, and my heart starting oozing blood. no matter how hard i try to stop the blood, it just won't stop. when the bell rang at 2.15pm, i really want to burst into tears. really want to have someone to listen to whatever i have to say. really need a shoulder to lie on.

in the end, i have lost my interest in going westmall for window-shopping. right now, i'm just gorging myself with food, my lunch and snacks later. might watch animes to make me feel better. but now, i got to print those pictures for my table.

this is the girl who is feeling super depressed & is bottling up all her feelings and tears in her heart...
Listened to music @ 3:05 PM